Evil Patrixxx: the True Story.
2:56 AM, 7\8\16
Howard: Sir, this is Howard Scott, Come in, sir.
Commander: So, what's happened so far? What did she call you for?
Howard: I've been called because she apparently been chased by a figure named Him.
Commander: What? She must have gone craz-
Howard: By the monster she saw, I suppose?
Commander: ...
A few moments ago...
*le ring*
Receptionist: Hello, welcome to the Emergency Department. How can I help you?
????: I NEED HOWARD SCOTT, QUICK! IT'S COMING FOR ME!
Receptionist: uh....ok.... Here you go, Howard....
Howard: Hello?
????: IT'S AFTER ME!!!??!?!
Howard: I-I-I'm sorry, What's after you?
????: HIM!!!!!!1
Howard: Him? Who in the name is Him?
????: HIIIIIIIIM!!!!
Howard: Are you okay? We have a mental hospit-
????: THERE IS NO TIME! COME QUICK!!!!!!
Howard: But-
????: HURRY!!!!!!
Howard: Excu-
????: OH NO! HURRY U-
*hangup*
Ok.... She's dead now... there's no other choice....
*ZOOM*
3:02 AM 7\8\16
Commander: Wow.... Him? Is that supposed to be a nickname for a demon?
Howard: I've been researching alot and I found there are a LOT of demons and monsters named "Him". She didn't give me any details about the apperance of the figure. All she said was to arrive at her house and get rid of "Him".
Commander: wow. Well, better let you off on your la-de-da adventure to find "Him".
Howard: Aight, Commander. Signing off.
5:30 AM 7\8\16
Howard: Come in, Commande-
Commander: 3| zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Howard: ...
Howard: COMMANDER!!! D:<
Commander: OoO W-w-wha!? Hey! Howard! You don't have to wake me like THAT!
Howard:There's some bad news and some good news.
Commander: Good news please.... *cough*.... Skip the bad news... -_-
Howard: .-.
Howard: The good news is that someone leaked some more details about this "Him" thing
Commander: HUH!?
Howard: That's right. I was able to get some more information about the figure.
Howard: It is said that he was an obese pink star-like shape.
Commander: PFFFFF BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! OMG! Are these people serious?
Howard: Well, he emailed it to ME as a clue.
Commander: O_o and?
Howard: It could probably lead to If the person who called was insane.
Commander: Seriously? Ever heard of the /x/ boards?
Howard: He said it was what he saw with his own-
Commander: Yadda yadda yadda, He saw this thing which looks like Patrick Star.
Commander: Hey! Speaking of Patrick, I've named this creature EVIL PATRIXXX!!! :P
Howard: -_-
Commander: What?
Howard: nothing. It's a pretty fitting name actually, when I think of this woman going all cray-cray.
Commander: Well, gotta letcha go now. Have fun with this PATRIXXX thing!
Howard: See ya! Signing off...
3:00 PM 8\8\16
Howard: dum dee doo
Howard: doo doo dum
*lasers come out from nowhere*
Howard: WOAH!
Howard: HOLY MAMA! HOOOOOOOOLY MAMA!
Howard: COMMANDERCOMMANDERCOMMANDERCOMMANDERCOMMANDER-
Commander: wut now...
Howard: I'VE BEEN ATTACKED BY OMEGA ANTIMATTER PROJECTILES!!!
Commander: You mean, like, lasers?
Howard: YES! I THINK IT'S PATRIXXX!
Commander: (sarcasm) oooh scary! Now EVIL PATRIXXX can shoot lasers? How terrifying? Oh no, he's going to summon a death unicorn to-
Howard: I'm serious, Commander! HE'S SHOOTING LASERS!
Commander: Yeah yeah yeah. You and your little toddler-toned stories
???: (static) U-U-U-U MUST D-D-D(static)-D-D-DIE!!!!!!!111
Commander: Woah big fella! This is serious trouble. If you're lucky, I'll be sending reinforcements tomorrow.
Howard: TOMORROW!? I NEED THEM NOW!
Commander: Yeah, They just came back from a war in Mexico. It was 59 degrees over there and they are like fish-- wow! They've already gotten 3 fifths of our water supply.
Howard: Are you deaf? I AM BEING ATTACKED BY TYPE X-666 LASERS!
Commander: I'll try and do the best I can.
4:00 PM, 11/8/16
Commander: Wow, it's sure boring around here.
Computer Mainframe: Mah boi, this is what all true commanders strive for!
Commander: Seriously, computer? That joke got old years ago.
Computer Mainframe: Well, at least it's not one of your lame 7/11 jokes.
Commander: I wonder what Howard's up to...
Commander: Come in, Mr Scott. This is Commander.
(static)
Commander: SCOTT! NO TIME FOR HORSEPLAY!
???: U R NEXT!!!!!!!!1111
Commander: Uh.... 'scuse me?
???: DIE MUFAFUKR!!!!!11grbyectr74ewre!
Commander: Is there something wrong with your vocal muscles? I swear, you sound like Dolan Duck.]
???: FUK U! RUN COWRD! blah blah blah
Commander: Ok, this is seriously getting weird, Howard. I think you should take a tranquilizer.
Commander: I can tell if it's PATRIXXX or not. Seriously, I know it's you. Quit the joking around.
???: I IZNT NO HOWRD!!!!!!!!!!112k1ioe3yh21 HE DEAD!!1!!!1 UR NEXT MUDAFUKA!!!! (hangup)
Commander: ha ha. Very funny. C'mon, Howie. Open up!
Commander: HOLY SHI---
Epilouge
Commander was later found with his body mangled and twisted and his organs and entrailes were found besides him.
Howard's body was never found, but there were sightings of his hat appearing in strange places in the Nirvana Woods.
EVIL PATRIXXX was never proved in existence and wether or not he was an actual being, but after the taper published this, this photo was found in front of his door: